how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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