feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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