as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
