i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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