She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
