I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
