He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
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