Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
