its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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