it hurts more in the daytime
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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