So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
