Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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