Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He has the fingertips of a God
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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