We named our party play list daddy issues
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
