it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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