i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
