Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
