So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
