Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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