He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
