Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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