I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
ttyl tear gas
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
