walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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