I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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