I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
