The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
