this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
