Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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