I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
