that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
