are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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