All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
