Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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