haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
