no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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