I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
