he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
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he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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