There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
