I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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