Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
