I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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