I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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