So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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