oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
