Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
