4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
