guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
