I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
