I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
