mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
