Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
