Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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