Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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