OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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