Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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