The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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