At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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