I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
