The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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