i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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