A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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