if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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