I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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